Wednesday, February 09, 2005     11:43 AM

is it too much to ask that i be allowed to be frustrated at a situation without being told what i could have/should have/need to do, or being blamed for it when it is so obviously not something i can control?

it's fairly obvious that i have my share of health issues, which generally i try not to talk about, dwell on, bitch because of, etc, but every now and then it gets to me and i have one of those days where i'm tearing up and want to hit something because of all this unfairness. and really, what would help so much is if someone just said, "i know it's hard" and gave me a goddamn hug. yes, a goddamn hug just because they knew i needed it. really, when it comes down to it, playing the what if game in a situation is never productive for anyone involved, and just adds to the frustration.

i feel like whenenver i post lately it's to bitch, and i don't like that, but that's what's been prompting me lately. i do want to write about the new fabulous Tim Kaye album, and other good stuff, but now is just not the time.

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i wonder if you ever think of me when in the company of friends i introduced you to. the polite conversation you have with others, when my name is mentioned - is it just a fleeting thought, or does the forgotten friendship gnaw at your unconscious?

do you think of me often, while in conversation with others? or, am i just a passing speck of thought in a month's worth of genius?

i'd love to figure out the issue, the imperfection, the imperviousness to perfection - but, what can i do except sit back and wonder if you miss our conversations, what she shared, or if i wasn't just another fool that believed in unique connection.

what a fool...

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