Tuesday, August 31, 2004     9:33 AM

waking up to breath that you can't quite catch, no matter how many times you swallow and gulp down buckets of air - these mornings are the worst. sleep wouldn't have come quicker if you'd tried, and you're so exhausted you're not sure how to stop the tears from flowing.

i think they say, "family is where you make it," and that's the truth for me. i met my family 5 years ago and knew instantly that i was home. home is not always a welcoming place though, and you take the good with the bad. don't you? the bad's part of life, right?

and if it seems that i take you for granted, it's only that sometimes i lose sight of what's most important in life. and if you do the same, i'll understand. what else can i do?

you are my family. that's about the only thing i am sure of today.

you are my family and i love you.

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it hurts my heart to think about the implications of two people who are so very close, that sometimes cannot even hold a normal conversation without it turning into a tiny war. oh, i could name a myriad of reasons why i think this and i think that, but the bottom line is this: i am so tired of the pettiness. i am tired of the snide comments, the hurtful words, the yelling and really just the ridiculousness of it all. this is a person who i wake up thinking about, who is in my thoughts when i am falling asleep and who i cannot imagine not in my life. and so with all this in mind and given how tired i am, (of all this, and in general) i am going to do my part, do my best to stop this from happening. because frankly, i just can't take it anymore.

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