Thursday, March 25, 2004     6:26 PM

two weeks of working every single day, endless frustration and a deepening belief that this tenuous grasp on reality i have, seems to be more than most.

like a game of pick up sticks
played by fucking lunatics

birthday is monday. 25. am at best ambivalent about this fact. will celebrate with friends, hopefully, sunday at kommencement. thought about doing something more but i'm just too tired and, again, frustrated to really want to worry about anything else. will be happy just to have some downtime and the ability to do whatever.

(that said, am contemplating seeing eternal sunshine of the spotless mind sometime this weekend. anyone wanting to go with is more than welcome, just let me know.)

____ (0) comments

observations from yesterday (mostly):

i realize i am not good at letting issues go that easily, specifically when i do not feel that i or my point of view is being listened to. i'm stubborn and it can be problematic. that said i'm a big proponent in discussions of getting all points of view and become very frustrated (i think legitimately so) when i feel someone doesn't want to listen, for whatever reason. by not listening you're not allowing yourself to even attempt understanding of that other view. it's a good way for communication to break down and for me, personally, the frustration leads into pent up issues/emotions. not healthy.

and on a totally different subject:
Not being a fan of much in mainstream culture (such as music, tv, trends, etc) when i'm in an environment where it surrounds me i find myself taking on the role of an anthropologist. i do a good bit of observing, trying to to figure out the reasons behind people's behavior, why they like what they like, why they act certain ways. it's actually fascinating, at least to me. i'm happy doing that and staying off the path of the mainstream. (n.b. never ask for or expect to hear a Pogues song in any non-Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day - for most people the day really is just an excuse to drink. lucky for me i'm 4th/5th generation Irish on my mother's side)

ok, enough observation for one day.

looks like i'll be working overtime in the office this saturday and possibly sunday (though not at night thankfully) which probably means i can't do anything friday that involves staying out too late. unfortunate but i do need the money and it looks like i'll definitely be putting in 50 hours this week alone. i'm actually beginning to like this work and i like the people a lot. i'm not thrilled about moving to Laurel April 1st but hopefully it won't be too bad overall. it'll definitely be a better office. i've always said i'm full of useless information that's only good for trivia games and obscure questions - well this job is only adding to that vast abyss.

____ (0) comments

was randomly flipping channels around 7 and happened upon a half hour special on Tori's (as in Amos) "greatest hits" compilation. (i say "greatest hits" like so because it's not really that but it's best to hear Tori's take on it then for me to actually try to explain what she was going for) anyway, it's really interesting as it intersperses her talking about song choices and her concept idea with some of the videos for songs on the album. i like little surprises on TV like this. it almost makes up for the crap. almost.

work is busy busy busy. nonstop. good for me i guess since i get to take it home and get overtime but bad in the sense that we're under a time crunch for a lot of these projects.

some guy sent in a screenplay in exactly the right format that he wants us to retype. now tell me, what is the point of that especially since the guy doesn't want to pay all that much for the work. weird.

well, enough procrastination. back to work. i should say happy st. patrick's day to all those who care though, since i was too late in saying beware the ides of march yesterday.

cause things are going to change so fast. all the white horses are still in bed. i tell you that i'll always want you near...

____ (0) comments

i'm feeling a bit Tom Robbinsesque in my thoughts and writing right now. so with that said, i present to you a list of recent thoughts that i believe are possible absolutes (at least in my world):

1. disappointment is inevitable
2. everyone's life is missing that certain something
3. figuring out what that certain something is, can be elusive - and that's an understatement
4. accepting a half fulfilled life is admitting defeat
5. harboring unhappiness and anger is dangerous, if not lethal


language is usually a borrowed medium. sentiments are almost never original, just expressed differently. that said, "the prince always wears black."* i wish i could say princesses always had red hair but that would be a fallacy. all the best do, though.

*though this was said, or rather written by a friend in high school, it does actually refer to a period of history i am scarily familiar with and therefore does have some relevance, albeit obscure and ergo odd.

____ (0) comments

i know, i know, getting a job is no excuse to drop off the digital planet. no, all my brain power has not gone to working (although all my willpower not to strip naked has since it's so freaking hot/stuffy/devoid of air flow in there) but it does make a good excuse.

really though i have my reasons for the unintentional break in writing, some to do with crappy goings on in life, some to do with being anti-social for awhile and also partially not wanting to talk about my life or anything else in an intelligent manner.

i think the break did me some good. i hope. i'm still feeling somewhat anti-social. i'm also feeling a great need to do more than just go to clubs for fun, prompted, i think, by going to see Into the Woods recently. i believe i'll go see a movie at The Charles this week, and then Imbue and 51 Peg are playing at the Vault on Saturday (with Carfax Abbey who i dislike so they're skippable).

been doing a bunch of housework that needs to be done since the outside of my house is being fixed courtesy of my mother. (why she decided all of a sudden is of course beyond me)

i should really update my photos but really after sitting in front of a computer for 7.5 hours typing i'm not much in the mood to use it at night. i'll get around to it soon, i suppose.

oh, and here's a funny tidbit. a guy came in today wanting us to do a desktop publishing job, a 48 page alumnae book for some place. it would've been really interesting for me to do (as i'm the only person who knows how to do such things at the office) but a. we don't have quark and would've had to buy it and b. the guy wanted it by next week but wouldn't pay more than 500 dollars. ridiculous what some people think they can get.

and on that note i must go veg and watch movies.

____ (0) comments