Monday, February 23, 2004     8:28 PM

it's a weird, surreal moment when thinking of the people in your life that you unconsciously equate them with Sex and the City characters. wish i had less time on my hands to actually think.

very very happy Johnny Depp won a SAG award for Pirates even if he wasn't there in person. maybe that's a sign that his chances are better than expected at the Oscars. and Billy Boyd in a kilt, precious.

so, from entertainment to politics (since they are bedfellows) i've been thinking quite a bit about Nader's decision to run. my initial reaction was surprise, and that while i am glad he's running i probably won't vote for him because for me this election is about the best way possible of getting Bush out. then i thought about it some more, did some reading and confirmed that of all the democratic and green candidates alongside Nader, he's the one the majority of my beliefs align with. therein lies the problem. my solution to this, since Nader is based in D.C. and i still don't have a job: (interviews a-plenty, jobs a-none) i sent my resume off to the campaign for possibly a paying job, although i'd be happy doing volunteer work. i'm still undecided about voting for him, and really the decision is based on many factors, not the least of which is that he has to actually get enough signatures to be put on the ballot. still, he's done so much good over the years and i think it's good that he's decided to get in there and shake this election up. wouldn't be a democracy without some shaking going on.

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you're not the only one who runs on instincts, no i got instincts of my own

about to run off to an interview. am frustrated that my blunt honesty got misconstrued though i know it can happen. the worst part is that all communication seemingly breaks down for periods of time when this happens. phones suck sometimes.

i'm having a bit of trouble wrapping my mind around this week's photo friday theme: status. if anyone can offer some insight that will help me with a photo, email me please.

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(n.b. - i started this post 45 minutes ago. when my phone rings after 1am it is almost always good. this time it had whipped cream on top. downfall is i should be tired as i have an early interview in millersville, but am completely wired.)

normally as i go about the day i have this internal monologue running in the background, random bits that run the gamut from politics to american idol. lately, though, it has not been so much a monologue as a photo montage. i blame it on the camera, but in any event it has left me with very little to say here, at least in words. i'm sure it's only temporary though.

two job interviews tomorrow, one monday. hopefully tomorrow night will be fun times with the brian and an opportunity to take more weird, random photos. and then, let's all say it together:
Elektroschock

so, here is my selection for this week's Theme Thursday - Orange:

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not much on words right now. still job hunting like crazy, hoping something will pop up soon. had lots of fun last weekend seeing Imbue/51 Peg/Skitzo Calypso. working on the photos from that show and a lot are actually good, although i wish there hadn't been so much red/magenta light and more white for Imbue's set. either that or use subtler gels. Kommencement was fun as well.

the week is going by slowly. too slowly. looking forward to Horrorshow tonight.

i was going to relate a funny (and also a bit pathetic) story regarding my dad's inability to follow instructions and my mom's impatience. perhaps another time though.

pictures instead.

Horrorshow



the waiting room (so titled in honor of the Elizabeth Bishop poem)



Kommencement

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what a week. well, what a week since wednesday anyway.

bush as gollum? made me laugh.

for a minute at least.

it's kind of a weird surrealistic moment when you first realize (or rather when i first realize) you are not the close friend to someone that you thought you were. you think there's communication, that they tell you what's going on, that they confide in you and then suddenly you realize there's parts of them you know nothing about. and maybe it isn't that they call you to talk, but that they usually need something. then there's the excuses they make for not being somewhere to spend time with you, yet you've found out they make time to see others. what does it all add up to? not sure there's really an answer to that, except a bunch of hurt and distrust.

yeah, happy times.

got a job offer for arlington, va and of course i can't do that which sucks.

been busy working on a project which i hope will be of interest to more than me. won't be done for a bit yet though.

going to see imbue, 51 peg and skitzo calypso tomorrow at fletchers. haven't been to a show in awhile so hopefully that will be fun.

blah.

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(edited from yesterday)

from what i hear about the end of last night i'm glad i wasn't there. not glad i got sick, but glad i wasn't around. i love that as people we are so different from each other and will always applaud that. there are some things though i will never be comfortable with that happen in a club environment. the atmosphere, the music is great, my friends are wonderful but some of the "freedom" inherent in the party is not for me. makes me feel a bit like an outsider sometimes but then again i'd feel even worse if i compromised my beliefs to be more a part of everything.

i hope i don't sound as if i'm passing judgment or condemning other people's choices. not at all. i am merely vocalizing an observation about myself. see there have been times in the past when i have compromised my value system, beliefs and comfort level to fit in, in certain situations. i'd like to think i won't again because in the long run it just feels icky.

just so we're clear.

always good to end with a little laughter. like, it's a speed bump and stuff poke around the site, you'll laugh, i promise.

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an angel's face is tricky to wear constantly

angels have been on mind as of late, a litany of angels. on first thinking i was envious, desirous. why were they so special? what was i missing?

and then the voice of reason reminded me of what i am so i could stop dwelling on what i am not.

no angel, just fae. creature of the earth, my vessel is grey because it holds black as well as white.

why would you want the dream of purity when you can have verity, vitality and meaning?

maybe my tangibility scares those who coves the angels...

Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.

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i started this friday, and did have more to say but am now disinclined to think about it and the ..... will have to suffice for those who care, though i'm not sure i do anymore.

the numbness of this week is wearing thin, the apathetic layers peeled back revealing half formed scabs. the wounds aren't fresh yet not quite healed either.

thoughts keep going back to the time of year, desolate and barren, least favorite and least favored. and yet, in the wasteland of the year i met the two people who have become the most instrumental in my life for the past five years. irony at its best i must say....

.....

sometimes i wonder if it all just comes from the muse i sometimes want to deny, the phantom who haunts my psyche, my unconscious - dreams and nightmares.

changed the song over to the right as it seemed fitting for the month and for the sentiment.

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