Thursday, November 27, 2003     12:46 PM

i'm really sorry i missed Horrorshow but unfortunately it couldn't be helped. anyone know a remedy for swollen ankles brought on by poor circulation? (that is other than lying in bed forever with legs elevated insanely high)

ugh.

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i'm developing a nasty headache on the right side which i fear is sinus related, since taking two regular tylenols has not helped. ugh. there goes my plan to catch up on some reading.

i saw the most interesting item in a store window tonight (while out on my espresso so i can stay awake and apply for jobs online all night run): a cat in the hat matryoshka set. it was cute, actually, though not remotely russian.

i keep forgetting (and hence forgetting to mention) that my parents are going on vacation next week. this, in and of itself, is not interesting and is mostly a happy event for me. only problem is, as those who know me are aware, i don't drive, and will therefore make getting around next week a bit more of a pain than normal. it'll be just my luck that all the job interviews i've been hoping for will come next week.

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i've been mulling over exactly what i was feeling and how i wanted to express myself since reading about the infamous post on the taboo forum.

it angers me that someone, who as far as i know, has not been to Nevermore once, makes a statement defaming the comfort level there. it's ludicrous, inflammatory and juvenile. absolutely no justification for it, and to make a comment like that for only self serving purposes is just wrong.

i can't imagine ever wanting to go there again on a Saturday knowing what i'd be supporting.

enough negativity though. aside from this drama, i'm looking forward to having a good week and other than still not having a job (somebody please hire me! i'm smart damnit!) i have nothing to complain about.

(and for anyone who reads this on my actual website, not my livejournal, notice the links i added on the side to all the events i like and support)

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my weekend was chock full of good fun, making up for the past couple of boring ickyness (although the i still have the neverending cough but did go to the doctor's today so hopefully it'll be gone kinda soon).

so, friday - nevermore which was superific. great music, great people, good times. this friday will be even better. if i know you and you weren't there last week, you must come this week. (and extra special thanks to stacia for the copy of illustrator. it's so spiffy)

saturday - christmas open house at savage mill with brian which was good fun. later, even more fun (need another word besides fun) with some great people at a really super venue. (and yes, thanks again to stacia for that. stacia gets the awesome award for the weekend)

sunday - kommencement which was good, aside from the lack of people and having no bloody mary mix. chewka's guest djing next sunday. yay.

wednesday is horrorshow which i am very much looking forward to.

and i will stop there though i have a little essay brewing in my head about me in the past vs. me now but that will wait until another time. there is laundry that needs doing before it rains again and my basement becomes a flood zone.

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so i've been sick and not really reading journals lately, but today i did and i'm horrified that nevermore might cease to be.

please, if you have nothing to do friday, or even if you do, change your plans and go to nevermore. it's one of the most spectacular places to hang out on a friday. this night needs to stay alive.

(wishing i hadn't been sick and could've gone the past couple weeks)

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i am waging a war with my basement, trying desperately to get all my laundry for the next 4 days (at least) done before it becomes completely flooded again.

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"Remember, remember, the 5th of November,
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
We see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot."

Guy Fawkes Day, what a lovely holiday. too bad bonfires aren't legal without a permit around these parts. there's a fireworks display over the River Thames tonight and it might just be possible to view some of it from this webcam.

ok, so maybe it's just me but i don't see why everyone is making such a fuss over the Jesus theories in The Da Vinci Code. it's been purported for years that Jesus and Mary Magdalene had a relationship. that some people find that impossible to believe, well, it bothers me. i found this quote from Tori, who over the years has said a lot of about Mary Magdalene and it speaks to how i feel:
"I'd ask my dad, 'If Jesus did it with Mary Magdalene would that make what he taught any less valid?' And he'd go on about my disrespect. Because Jesus maybe had a sexual encounter with a woman, did that make him less? Was he soiled by it and what does that say about women?"

i do think it's good that the theory is, i guess, out there to the general public now, but it should have been ages ago. christianity is definitely a religion that could use a penis.

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how am i supposed to explain something i don't understand? i know love is not hurt, i know love is not leaving someone, love is not passing them off when you think they're being too emotional. love is unconditional. love is being there when someone hurts, when someone is depressed, when someone just needs to know they're cared for, no matter what.

should you suffer the mood swings and be caring? suffer the stress and be there, be respectful when they just yell at you? is it worth it when they won't do the same thing? when they can't give you the same respect? when they can't love you enough to hold your hand instead of running away?

i can't keep doing this. i can't keep being there when he won't. my love is unconditional but time is not. physical wounds heal, but emotional wounds take so much longer. i've been licking my wounds too long apparently, and i'm not sure i can do it any longer.

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street

She thinks, “Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can’t get out of this place”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn’t listen
There’s still a hope in her it might

She says, “I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place”

There’s loneliness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

There’s a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
It’d take the work out of the courage

But she says, “Please
There’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey - Grey Street, Dave Matthews Band

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