Wednesday, October 29, 2003     11:12 PM

so after much running around and fretting i finally have my halloween costume, except for one small part to get tomorrow morning. yay. feel a bit remorseful that i'm not going to Ascension but i'll be there next week and i really cannot pass up the opportunity to see The Cruxshadows and Voltaire in the same night. excited for Nevermore on Friday and probably Taboo on Saturday.

i've been introspective of late, doing much writing on paper that will appear here in some form soon. been a bit lazy about that, though. and hopefully there are other good things on the horizon but i hesitate to talk about them yet as not to jinx myself.

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denial is very powerful but i have recently discovered a more powerful feeling. resolve.

that is all i have to say right now except, go to the byronic eye forum and sign up. say interesting and intelligent things. provoke him and he will write fascinating and interesting things in response.

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so, yeah, i haven't been able to think of any interesting or even mundane thoughts to profess lately so in the interest of helping out a most brilliant and excellent friend:

the Byronic Eye Forum is now open for business. he has a lot to say and now it's our turn. go be funny, be smart, be cutting, be witty, be sarcastic and please be prolific.

this public service announcement is now over. and thanks.

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i'm glad you're on my side still

10pm i was flipping channels and happened to catch the beginning of an hour live performance of Tori on Comcast's Music Choice. i have this habit of listening to a musician nonstop for awhile and then not listening for a long time. i do that with Tori quite frequently and it's moments like this, surprises, that cause me to fall in love with her music all over again.

the past 24 hours have been, i guess, productive. i have a job interview tomorrow, and have another potential interview assuming my initial phone interview went well (i think it did). started straightening my house today, did 3 loads of laundry, threw a crapload of stuff away and actually feel slightly accomplished.

random bits garnered from watching mostly crappy tv today:

am i the only person that didn't know Tim Burton & Helena Bonham Carter got together, let alone had a baby? although i'm thrilled that Ewan McGregor is in Burton's next film.

i find Spike (from Buffy/Angel) incredibly sexy, but James Marsters is a bit less so. the entire cast from Angel was on E! earlier, and it was actually quite interesting. Spike's going to be naked, yay!

i'm not a big sports fan but i am so happy Boston won

the first season of Three's Company's coming out on DVD. only my first favorite show, a show that made me smile through some really crappy times. i am so happy.

the wife of our esteemed governor (ha!) said in a conference to prevent domestic violence, that, "Really, if I had an opportunity to shoot Britney Spears, I think I would..." i mean, really, did the woman turn on her brain before she spoke? her lack of judgment sets a wonderful example for the youth of this state and country.

oh, and i forgot to mention this ages ago - The Cruxshadows and Voltaire are playing together October 30th at Alchemy. sucks that it's on Ascension's samhain night but i'm really excited these two are playing together.

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FreeWill Astrology for the Week of October 9th
Aries

"I've been practicing radical authenticity lately," my Aries friend Steve told me. "I'm revealing the blunt truth about unmentionable subjects to everyone I know. It's been pretty hellish -- no one likes having the social masks stripped away -- but it's been ultimately rewarding." I thought a minute, then said, "I admire your boldness in naming the currents flowing beneath the surface, but I'm curious as to why you imply they're all negative. To practice radical authenticity, shouldn't you also express the raw truth about what's right, good, and beautiful? Shouldn't you unleash the praise and gratitude that normally go unspoken?" Steve sneered. He thought my version of radical authenticity was wimpy. I hope you don't, Aries. You have an astrological mandate to be honest in both ways.

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i'm listening to such diverse weird music right now (van morrison, nightmare before christmas, camelot soundtrack) because this is what i do when i'm depressed. flannel, candles and weird music. and my koala bear.

i do wish i could write more eloquently about less esoteric parts of life, and maybe i can if i try. maybe i really am not trying.

i feel very much like i am an observer to certain aspects of my life and that someone else is living them, making the decisions and allowing opportunities to pass into the ether instead of being grabbed as quickly as possible. or maybe it's just that i really don't have any control over them and if i wait they just might come back to me.

or maybe they won't. and i have to live with that possibility, and not let it close me off to other possibilities. that's the part that takes more than just being an observer.

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