Monday, July 28, 2003     7:57 PM

if anyone knows where to buy Jolt Espresso around here, or online anywhere, please let me know. they stopped selling it at the 7-11 near me awhile ago and then ThinkGeek stopped selling it too. i really want some. hmm, coffee and cola, yummy.

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entry that somehow never made it here from saturday:

there's some weird thing on TechTV right now with alien like beings dancing on a piano.

here's a Spookie for your viewing pleasure.

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tired tired tired.

brian and i are abusing each other and we apparently have very different tastes when it comes to what songs go with what videos.

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it''s 6am and i'm really tired. brian and i are trying to watch some of the music videos m did and it's going ok i suppose.

my chair feels too short suddenly and i 'd really like to go to sleep.

it's weird, when you're up 24 hours by choice it's no big deal but when you know you have to do it, it becomes that much harder.

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Gargoyles were first created as waterspouts, later as more superficial, physical commentaries. some were meant as protectors. this is a good general website on them.

they are neat creatures.

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there was an episode of Charmed where they referenced Buffy and i thought that was cool. Buffy and Charmed are two of my favorite shows.

random: my favorite villan is Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty.

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this is scotland. brian has been kicking my ass at DOA3 and now i'm just trying to stay awake and not be terribly self-deprecating.

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now you get to experience my moods. i'm pissed right now and depressed. it's not cool.



because i can't think of anything else interesting or amusing.

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Guest entry: She's hysterical. She's gone into uncontrollable fits of laughter. Which isn't really laughter, because there's a lack of sound coming out of her mouth. I'll never try to steal her ale again! -Brian

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blah blah blah. making my bed. sheets don't fit right. doesn't look like anyone is coming over so it's just brian and i. i'm trying to fight depression right now because i'm wanting certain things that i don't have.

i should finish translating Tatu's song, Robot, from Russian to English.

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i'm having trouble with photoshop so no more picture updates as of yet. in other news though, i'm getting a digital camera in a little while so there will be random pictorial updates that you probably never wanted to see. i am making my bed right now and inevitably i screw up first try thinking length is width and vice versa.

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there's a preview on Xplay for this 1st person shooter called, i think, Syberia II, which sounds really interesting. anything russian is cool with me. i forgot to say earlier that i also bought a russian bear called "Slavic Beer" (really original) just because the entire label was in russian. i'm a sucker.

going to scan some pictures in for more interesting updates later.

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i went downstairs to get some U.K. pictures to scan in and found Brian playing Dead or Alive 3. after a shot of Laphroaig i played him for a little bit to find that afte a month of inactivity my skills are rusty. must practice. never made to getting the pictures so that'll be later, i'm sure. have called a few people and invited them over if they have nothing to do after the club has closed. hopefully that'll work out.

laphroaig is strong stuff when it is drunk straight, i'm not used to that. wow.

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back with Laphroaig, Young's chocolate stout, and Monty Python's Holy Grail Ale. in the course of 10 minutes brian has scared me and then showed me his penis. he's a weird weird guy and i love him.

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i have returned, for a minute. dinner was good: crab-artichoke dip and a portabello mushroom sandwhich. i am full. running out to get some Laphroaig and will be back shortly.

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ok people i'm taking a dinner break - i will be back soon though, don't worry. there will be more random pictures of places in the U.K., more random ramblings and maybe even an mp3 or too for good measure.

and i figured out my dreams came from the fact that racoons got into the trash on my back porch. that'll teach me to actually put it in the can until trash day.

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started cleaning my room - would go a lot smoother if my tummy didn't feel so icky and i had bigger trash bags.

let's talk some more about the U.K., shall we? if you don't know that Edinburgh is my favorite city in the entire world than you're daft. Edinburgh is also one of the most haunted cities around and they have countless "ghost walks" you can take to learn about the rich history of the city and see some really interesting places.

one tour i didn't get to take though because it didn't exist last time i was there is the City of the Dead Tour. the big draw of the tour is that it ends in Covenanters Prison, a locked section of Greyfriars graveyard where there are numerous reports of poltergeist activity, the Mackenzie poltergeist. (In case anyone was wondering Covenanters were named for signing a covenant against Charles I who tried to force the Episcopalian faith to the Scots - they believed it was much too close to Catholocism and didn't give enough credit to god.) Apparently there really is something to this poltergeist as many people who have taken the tour have been effected. You can read a lot of their stories on the website, and the Travel Channel also featured the tour on a program and interviewed some people about their first hand experiences. i hope the tour's still going when i go back because it's definitely something i'd like to experience.

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This is the Stonegate Devil, a famous icon in York, England. Stonegate (streets are called gates, gates are called bars and bars are called pubs in York - did you follow that?) was well known for its bookshops and printers in the 1500s. Number 33, where the devil sits by the door, was the home of a printer. The devil served as a reminder "printer's devils" were the boys who carried the hot metal type for the printer. Apparently the devil got bumped by a truck fairly recently and had to be restored. This site shows him with a different paint job than my picture and gives some insight into the weirdness of York. it's a great city and is my second choice for a place to live besides Edinburgh.

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time for another update. stomach is gradually starting to feel better.

i feel like buying a digital camera but i have no idea what kind i should buy. i know that i like a couple that friends own but which one is bet i have no idea. any suggestions are welcome.

i'd also like to get a PDA. i'm such a geek.

awhile back i bought some Cruxshaows' CDS from a place called Isotank and today they sent me a magazine with a free CD, Asleep by Dawn which has lots of good tracks on it from people like Imbue, Ego Likeness, etc. i like surprises like that in the mail. makes the bills more tolerable.

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another half hour is gone, what's to say now? i think i'm going to scan some pictures in from previous U.K. trips and post a little commentary about them. other than that, my tummy hurts.

In case anyone cares, White Wolf is ending World of Darkness. it's a sad sad day in rpg land. or something.

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how did it get to be almost 4:30pm? haven't even started on my room, for reasons which you all really don't need and i'm sure don't want to know.

so here's a question to make my spoutings more interesting and interactive. if you read this on livejournal you can always post the answer as a comment, otherwise if anyone reads this actually on my site (and i'm beginning to think few people do) you can email me your answer and i'll post the results.

so: if you could have sex with one person who is dead (obviously they wouldn't be when you were having sex with them - no necrophilia thanks) who would it be?

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now that i've eaten my tummy is upset. i just can't win. watching a show on TLC, Pros and Cons: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, about the making of a rock girls video. their director is a real asshole.

nothing else interesting to say right now.

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i have returned from coffee. have food, must eat.

Eddie Murray's being inducted into Baseball's Hall of Fame and there's a neat program about him on WBAL radio, if anyone cares.

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alrighty, showering is done and now i can really get stuff done. going to go get coffee, stop at the store for some much needed items and come back here to tackle the cleaning of my room. it's long overdue and i'll feel so much better about hanging out in here when it's done. assuming i'm done before 5pm (which is unlikely) i'll actually get to take a walk. and then dinner.

here's hoping things go as planned.

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alrighty, i am really going to go actually get things done now. just wanted to say i invited two other people to help me with this endeavor just in case i become a major slackass.

also i wanted to give props to Jessi at Tangy Naked Blogging! for reminding me to do this. she's a cool chick even though i don't know her personally.

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this is pathetic, i still haven't gotten in the shower. i decided, ok, i have one of those tablets to make the toilet water all pretty blue and nice smelling so i'll put that in and then get in the shower. of course even though i drop it as far away from the water valve as possible it gets stuck there and once i figure it out, i have to find something to use to nudge it over.

ugh.

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oh, even though i'm a slacker you all can still sponsor me for 48 hours after this is over, if anyone has the resources and still hasn't.

i'm really going to go shower now. not that y'all needed to know that.

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ok, so i really needed sleep and even though i hit the snooze button like 50 zillion times this morning i still went back to sleep until now. so i'm cheating, i'm just going to start now and go 24 hours from this point. or at least i'll try. right now i need coffee and a shower (not in that order) but first, i had a very bizarre dream:

i was driving with my mom down my street back to my house and we saw what looked like a brown bear near my house, then it was on my porch and trying to get in my front door. of course it couldn't break the strong door down, right? wrong. so it broke into my house and my mom and i called 911 only to be told we'd have to call animal control, except they wouldn't give us the number for it. a police car drives by and we get him to go back to the house with us. not much damage has been done and the police officer finds a bear costume suit head which means of course it wasn't a real bear. then suddenly all these modemer people from back in the day are at my house and i'm trying to ask them what the party's for but they won't tell me then a big black guy i've never seen comes in and has little pieces of brown fur stuck to him.

weird, huh?

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except for wednesday night this week has sucked more and more with each passing moment. i'd wanted to do something fun last night but because of work, being tired and not feeling well, i didn't. despite my best efforts though, i didn't get to bed early because of terrible stomach cramps that would not allow me to get comfortable. the only reason i finally fell asleep was from sheer exhaustion and even then i woke up almost every hour in horrible discomfort. i felt marginally better this morning (though i woke up late because my alarm didn't go off) but that feeling didn't last more than a half hour.

i have horrible cramps on my right side, i'm bloated, and even though i think i know what's causing them (too much information alert: my period is really out of whack and i just got it today, 2 weeks late) it doesn't help because i don't know what to do to get rid of them. advil doesn't work, tylenol doesn't work and i'm out of ideas. i really wish i could just go home and sleep for a couple hours straight, hoping that would help. unfortunately i'm stuck at work not really doing anything because the meeting that was supposed to happen, hasn't. if anyone has any suggestions on what to do for the pain, let me know. i'll try anything.

i'm not normally so complainy and whiny about my problems but everyone has to bitch once in a blue moon.

oh, i'm up to 3 sponsors for the blogathon and i'd really love more, but you all are running out of time so hurry up and sponsor me if you'd like to. i actually have some neat ideas about the updates i'll be doing for blogathon even though right now the prospect of waking up tomorrow at 9am and staying awake for 24 hours is daunting. i kinda wish i had a parter in crime to help with the updates. hmm.

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brian bit the bullet and became my first blogathon sponsor. if everyone did the same as he and pledged a dollar an hour, i'd be a happy girl. come on people, it's tax deductible.

wanted to go to bed early last night but it didn't happen. couldn't sleep even when i tried because my brain wouldn't shut off. ended up watching tv to stave off depression. caught part of a really fascinating documentary about the role of African American dancers in the history of modern dance. wish i could've seen the show in its entirety because what i did see was fascinating. There were two particularly moving dances, Pearl Primus doing a piece about lynching (to the poem "Strange Fruit") and Talley Beatty doing a piece called Mourner's Bench set to There is a Balm in Gilead (which Tori has covered beautifully).

i also learned about this fascinating fighting dance from Martinique, called ag'ya which blended martial arts and dance. it was riveting to watch and i wish i could link to some websites about it, but alas i found none worth mentioning.

Watching it reminded me how much i love watching dance, especially modern dance (thought jazz, ballet, and tap are great as well). i should really make a point of getting Thursday's Sun paper and The City Paper so i can find performances around the area.

ok, back to work and growing ennui.

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Check this out, i'm listed on RAINN's website. how cool is that? now you people need to bloody sponsor me! i will not beg but i will threaten all you lovely people.

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blah. i'm so out of sorts right now. no real coherent thoughts either. have a really bad mosquito bite on my right arm that is bothering me immensely.

don't want to be at work, but then again, never really do.

might be going to chicago in august if i can get off work. that would be fun as i love chicago and haven't been there since i was 11. it'd be nice to go back for reasons of pleasure instead of neccessity.

i know what i right isn't all that interesting to you people out there, but come on, not even one person has sponsored me in the blogathon yet. it isn't until saturday so it gives all you wonderful people out there a week to contribute just a paltry few dollars. it's for a good cause people, and i will beg if necessary.

in other news, Donnie Darko is playing at The Charles this week only at 9:30. i plan to see it as much as possible (as in every night if i can). if anyone wants to see it with me that i haven't already spoken to, call or email me and we'll make plans. if you've never seen this movie before then you need to see it. really, you do.

there's a heat wave in Europe and the Alps are melting. doesn't that just suck?

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cut to the jugular. that phrase, used by Natalie Goldberg in Writing Down The Bones (my favorite book on the writing process) kept coming back to me this morning. it's much easier to keep a wall up, to keep an emotional distance than it is to actually let one's guard down and be open and vulnerable. people do it a variety of ways, i've noticed, though i think the current trend for those i know is to shroud oneself in pseudo-intelligence. start talking about something very personal and instead of reacting on a personal level to it, i guess people find it easier, less emotionally consuming, to relate the issue with a scrap of knowledge they read, heard, learned, etc. not only does the subject at hand become completely warped from its original intentions but where is the level of personal connection? how are these people really relating to each other if something deeply personal becomes so very generic and impersonal? when it comes down to it i'd much rather cut to the jugular with people i care about and i appreciate it much more when someone respects and cares about me enough to do the same, even if it is painful.


painful, tough conversations are almost always the most rewarding. it's refreshing when friends care enough to call you out on your own lunacy.

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below is my real post, but i must share my ordeal. this being the first time i'd posted in awhile and since blogger changed things, my entire template was for some reason screwed up. somehow, i don't know how, i fixed it, but i swear it's the same code it was before. weird and annoying. it did remind me of something though. i'm participating in Blogathon 2003 so if you have some tax deductible money to spare for RAINN:



yes, it's been too long. yes i should've written something long ago and i have no good excuse. i could say i've been busy and i have but really, everytime i'd think about writing the worry that i'd have nothing interesting to say (or nothing interesting enough for other people to be interested) kept me from it. it's been so long blogger has overhauled their site and is now much prettier. hope it works as well. now i'm finally writing because i'm fed up with my procrastination and annoyed at my lethargy.

over the past months i've probably thought of countless interesting things to say over the past months but at the moment i'm am a desert of thoughts.

went to horrorshow last night and had a good time aside from worrying about a really good friend of mine. beestings are delicious but waking up after that much mead is not so fun. and i have to say that late night conversations are the best kind. (i also had 2 potentially good pictures taken of me last night and if they surface on the website i'll link to them)

oh, and in case anyone really doesn't have a clue, yes i have a job now. it pays the bills and then some but it's ultimately not making me happy and not something i want to do in the longterm.

have seen a lot of movies lately: 28 Days Later and Pirates of the Caribbean. liked them both though Pirates met my expectations more than 28 Days did. without giving a full review which i just don't feel like, 28 Days is marketed as a zombie/horror flick but does not play out to be that so much as a post apocalyptic morality tale - which is fine but not what i expected to see. Pirates on the other hand was romping good fun and Johnny Depp is the best. i know some disagree but he is just too hot for words in this movie. savvy? i found out they're already developing a sequel. more johnny. yum.

alright, i suppose i could go on, write something potentially profound and such, but i'm just not in the mood. the four shots of espresso i'm drinking have not yet kicked in and as such i'm still somewhat hazy. i will say though that i'm happy, and i am for all intents and purposes, glad that i have a very profound and creative someone back in my life.

p.s. brian bought me an xbox. yay. i need more games.

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